But godliness with contentment is great gain
i have learned many things over the last week or so. the big take away for this week, is that when one cannot sleep, perhaps God has something to say.
i am tossing and turning last night with no success of sleeping and plainly asked "okay God, what's up?" boy howdy was the answer a surprisingly quick, concise-to the point answer for were i am at at this point in my life and where i am to go from here.
see my problem, is that i am a consistent "do-er." i am constantly in motion, multitasking, and attempting to do too much all the time, i guess its just how i was wired, not doing anything makes me restless, anxious and just creates a weird feeling that i don't shake easily.
with that said, my inbox from God last night was readily pumped with some much needed guidance i think i have been lacking for quite some time. the exact words i caught clear as day were "just. stop. slow down. be content. be still. be STILL and know that I am God." then the words from 1 Timothy crept into my mind, i realized i had to do some reading in the morning and after that i fell pretty much right asleep.
today, i decided to take a look see at my concordance for verses on contentment--again, its one of those instances where God just lays out what you need to hear and there is no denying it. this is what i found:
Philipians 4:7--
and let the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
peace was the big word i took from this one
Phil 4:11b--
for i have learned in whatever situation i am to be content
i noticed this to almost be a commandment more than a recommendation
v 12b: in any and every circumstance
v 19: and my God will supply every need of yours
i am not the supplier of my needs. not ever.
lastly, hebrews always brings it on home, 13:5b--
be content with what you have, for he has said i will never leave you nor forsake you.
how true and necessary these words were to hear for me. i've been navigating this whole idea of grief all week since the loss happened. i spent four days angry, in shock and denial, followed by an entire evening of weeping and praying out loud as to why God had taken two babies from me. today and yesterday i am trying to pick up the pieces one at a time and recognizing that God is soverign, i am not, and that maybe i'll get answers, maybe i won't. but in the mean time, i am going to take to heart what was given to me and recognize that God has my best interests at heart and that he will prosper me when the time comes. so for now, i wait. i have peace. i stop, slow down. be content regardless in every and all siutations, rely on him to supply my needs, and be grateful for what i have and that he has been here all along. til next post...,
