new year, new look, new lessons

Okay so i recognize its been a while. a LOT has happened since what August 2012!? the long short of it, after much trial and prayer, we were blessed to have a baby. that was 8 almost 9 months ago, and boy howdy did i have the idea of motherhood all wrong! here i was for years while having all the issues getting/staying pregnant thinking that i would have this cozy, cuddly, quiet bundle of joy who would sleep when i needed her to, eat when i wanted her to, and basically fit into my personal style of living i had created thus far.

whoever created this picture in our minds as women of what motherhood was like as kids with our pink doll stollers, bassinets and lovey dovey talking baby all gone's needs a karate chop to the thoat and i mean that in the most loving, christian, God honoring way possible.

i have never in my life known sanctification in the way i have as a parent. sanctification for those of you reading who may not know, is the process of being made more holy, to be more like Christ. you wanna talk about patience and understanding and sacrifice...parenthood is the sure fire way to go. i gained a respect for every mother i can ever think of and how we all are at the point we are at today because of another woman's self sacrifice of caring for our needs above her own. if motherhood does not force us to demonstrate how God loves his children, i don't know what honestly could (aside from Christ's sacrifice anyway).

on that note, i have never prayed this hard in my life either. as a christian, prayer has never been my forte. studying the word of God, great sign me up, researching, small group participation, serving...i am game for it all and lets do it. prayer on the other hand has always been hard for me to consistently keep up with. the getting quiet and being alone with your thoughts and opening the connection to God directly to hear what he has to say to you---i love the idea of it in theory i REALLY do, but the reality is that it was never an immediate go to for me when things got rough....i needed tangible, concrete guidance, finding a verse, a parable something to relate to what i was going through more than staying still long enough to meet God personally.

Then she came along. flipped my world on its head. i am talking 360 degrees of what the bleep have i gotten myself into. she is amazing, and growing and changing and i love her with every fiber of my being, but i tell you, i have NEVER known the desperation of prayer until i had her. the rocking in the chair at the wee hours praying for God to take her pain of teething away, to soothe her tiny growing body, to give her peace and stillness, for her to grow continually in a way that honors Him, for the calm, quiet slumber during a cold, for me and for her, and for dad...the constant thanking to the Lord for allowing me to be her mother, for entrusting me as Betsy Corning so eloquently states, to be her guide in this earthly life. my hands are occupied holding or feeding her or shushing her, i have no way to read what God has to say regarding this, to research and find an answer on how to soothe her. I am literally forced in these moments to meet with God to tell him the pleas of my heart and to hear what he has to say in return. and for those of us that wonder if God sees us in the night rocking those sweet little ones back to sleep, He absolutely does. He hears every whisper, cry, both ours and theirs, every request, every desperation of our hearts for relief.

and so for now, with time short and moments to read and research far and in between, prayer is my constant land line to the one who has the ability to give me...and ultimately her, peace in all things.

who's in charge here?!

Okay so its been a few days and i still have to finish Joshua! I have to be honest it's been a rough couple of days. I think that's one of the reasons why i hadn't posted until now, I've realized that it is hard to go through the Word of God, process it, believe it truly for yourself and then pass it on to others when you are feeling downtrodden and defeated. The last few days have been a lot of  "take this from me, Lord," and "i'm giving this to you because i need to." Which really in all reality is actually right where God wants me. Submissive to his will, willing to give up my "stuff" to him, and recognize that I cannot and should not carry burdens alone.

I titled this post who's in charge here for a few reasons, but mostly it's because Joshua 24 is about who you are choosing to serve, who is in charge. I have to say, walking around as burdened as I was prior to giving things up in prayer, i do not want to be in charge. The self-righteous, prideful part of me is like "what?! how can you not want to be in charge, you got this! this is child's play compared to what you have been through!" But really, and honestly, carrying all that junk around just acts as a weight on your soul and proves to be toxic to everything else you try to accomplish.

So, to transition, here's some back story on what was going on when Joshua exclaimed that he was going to follow God regardless of what happened. He gathered tribes of Israel to Shechem. Now Shechem is modern day Palestine for you geography nerds. I don't know about you, but when I'm reading about some of these places, i have to look it up on a map from then and now to determine where the heck this was all taking place. So when they are all gathered, God talks about their history, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob/Esau, Moses/Aaron, the whole deal with Egypt, the whole wilderness journey, and all the subsequent victories that followed over the foes of Israel. Again, I have provided a map and some reference to prevent confusion. Keep in mind everyone got an inheritance except for the Levites, since the priesthood was their inheritance through Aaron. 

Joshua then at the end of all of this goes on to mention what is required of Israel. "Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (24: 14-15).

In the Horn House we have a wooden sign of this last verse over our front door on the inside, and let me tell you it is good to know when you are coming down the stairs or cleaning, it is visible from most angles. And, it is such a comfort to know that I am not the one overseeing this chaotic mess of a journey called life. In all honesty, I am glad there is someone willing to take the burdens i chose to try and carry, I think life would be so much more dreary and painful if I didn't. 

So that is the end of Joshua, and it even says in verse 31 that Israel served God all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua...crazy to see how one man who chose to follow God regardless of how ugly life got not only benefited from his blessings, but an entire nation beyond his lifetime did the same even if it was for a brief while. As I stated in previous posts, it is encouraging and enlightening to see someone who followed fast after the will of God and his fruit was visible both immediately and in the future. I can only hope that my following after the same God he did will yield the same harvest. 

when its okay to be clingy

Okay so i'm going to skip some stuff here because personally, I am a visual learner so reading who got what as an inheritance really doesn't interest me when it comes to the tribes of Israel. From an HGTV kind of standpoint, i'd be more concerned with what was ON the real estate instead of where it was...but again, not a theologian nor a geographer...i'll leave that work to the professionals.

So, as I move towards the end of the dissection of Joshua, I had what I like to call a "nugget of truth" pop out to me in chapter 22. The buzz word that I garnered from reading this chapter was to cling. 

The kind of clinging i'm talking about though is far better than some overly possessive significant other, a needy child, etc. This type of clingy-ness is more about reliance.

Prior to chapter 22, the Israelites finally had all of their land given to them, what God promised he delivered on. So now they get to take a long breath of relaxation and a sigh of relief.

After this, God has some words for Joshua:

and said to them, “You have kept all that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you and have obeyed my voice in all that I have commanded you. ³ You have not forsaken your brothers these many days, down to this day, but have been careful to keep the charge of the Lord your God. ⁴  And now the Lord your God has given rest to your brothers, as he promised them. Therefore turn and go to your tents in the land where your possession lies, which Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan." (22:2-4)

Once again, proof that following after God will yield good things. But God goes on to make sure that the lot of them understand what is required of them to still benefit from all he has done:

"Only be careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, and to walk in his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." (v. 5)

Later on towards the end of the book, after some misunderstandings taken place, God then echoes very similar verbage to the group: "And you have seen all that the Lord your God has done to all these nation for your sake, for it is the Lord your God who has fought for you...but you shall cling to the Lord your God just as you have done to this day. (23: 3 & 8).

So now some context: the word cling, from a dictionary type definition is considered to be "hold on tightly to." Now, when I think of holding on tightly to, I think of a terrified kid holding on for dear life to their parents neck, leg, pick whichever appendage you prefer. Those of you who have read my prior posts know that that feeling of a kid grasping for me is a huge desire of my heart, yet in the past year, the Lord has decided I am to be doing the clinging.

For me, when life has dealt some crappy things to be honest, clinging to the hope that I have in God is the only thing that gives me peace. Holding on tightly to this idea that he is bigger than my insecurities, and that he has a plan that is so much bigger than what is right in front of me, even if i frankly don't like it, am pained by it, or am uncomfortable as a result of it. Hope and clinging to that which I have in Him, that is what puts everything into focus even when my focus and view are completely skewed. I chose to cling to Him because to me, not clinging, and relying on his sovereignty would make life so much more scarier than it already is.

To paraphrase Francis Chan, I think that the God who created nitrogen, pine needles, and galaxies, and who delivered on his promises to those who followed him, that is something worth hoping in. That is something worth clinging to.

 

the day the sun stood still

Most of the time, I try to exhibit a very child-like faith. Like when things happen, I tend to try and see the big picture in a very "God's got this" kinda way.

Then, as previously stated, life happens in such a way not that it strikes down my faith per say, but in a way where it gets chipped away, like when a sculptor is molding a creation. So one bad thing happening doesn't cause me to throw my arms up and claim abandonment, but when one thing after another happens, slowly all I hear is :::clink.:::: :::::clink::::: ::::clink::::, and you get to a point were you are wondering where God is getting all of this clay because you are feeling particularly worn down, and at the outside there isn't a pretty statue to show for it.

But then, I realize, that much like Joshua when he was in Gilgal, God made it very evident to him, and again me that "he's got this." A little back story, Joshua once again is in the middle of a dispute with multiple leaders  . What I find great about chapter 10 is that Joshua doesn't say a word out loud until nearly half way through the chapter. God makes the first commentary about the circumstances. "And the Lord said to Joshua, Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands. Not a man of them shall stand before you." (v. 8). Like that's it, there has not been a plan made, an action taken, not even a prayer uttered out loud to God, and he's like "it's all good, no need to fret, I got it." Furthermore, God provides in all of this to not only words of assurance but actually intervenes on the Israelites behalf. He literally throws down large stones from heaven, killing the enemies (v. 11), and then proceeds to hold the sun and moon in the sky while Israel defeats the Amorites. 

Okay so pause again. So the God of the universe pours down boulders on the enemies and then modifies the orbs in space so that Israel can be victorious. This is one of those moments where it is plainly obvious that God cannot be contained into the little box we put him in.

Later, the rest of this story states that "The sun stopped in the midst of heaven and did not hurry to set for about a whole day. There has been no day like it before or since, when the Lord heeded the voice of man, for the Lord fought for Israel." (v 13-14).

I had this thought then while going over this about my faith, about it being chipped away, and I realized that circumstances that happen, the messy stuff that makes life complicated, it is not meant to "chip away my faith." This stuff is the stuff that sanctification is made of. These experiences I have that make life hard, that's when I need to realize that God has always "had it" and always will. I am reminded that as a sculpture, I literally am the clay, he's the potter, and the molding, shaping and changing is all part of his plan to make me better (Isaiah 64:8). And that statue I talked about that you couldn't see on the outside, it is there, it is in the heart. The place where change for the better truly occurs, and that is where the inward change will produce an outward trust in the Lord.