I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you;" Isaiah 42: 6a.
So this was my verse for yesterday. In the morning, I was reading and thought "oh well that's nice, good to know." As the day progressed, how rapidly it occurred to me that this was my advice and commandment for the day. I know its been a few days, lots of stuff happening. getting back to the grind at work after being off for a week. i have to admit i did great all the way until yesterday at work when i had to go to a baby shower which i respectfully bowed out of, and then found out one of the couples we did small group with a while back is pregnant as well and due in the spring.
after that the day was about shot for me. didn't also help that the song "praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns came on while i was driving home either. i held it together until i made it to my street pretty much and then lost it in the car in the garage. i guess i just thought i was good ya know? that the "hard" part was over and i was just focusing on moving on. guess God had another idea. so therefore, i had to cling to this verse yesterday and even today. He is the Lord. i am clearly NOT. He called me in righteousness. period. He has taken me by the hand and kept me. and continues to keep me. i have to believe and rely on this, otherwise getting thru the days would not be possible.
this whole ordeal with the pregnancy losses has really opened my eyes to many things. my husband is my best friend, and will always be. Dave has been such a trooper in all of this, handling me and my grieving all while keeping it together on his own. he has looked out for me, and taken care of me even when i haven't wanted to be taken care of.
secondly, i realized i am allowed to be and feel pretty. i never was the pretty one growing up but in the last couple months i realized that there is no reason why i am not allowed to feel good physically even if i am completely falling apart emotionally. so, i have joined the world of hair, and make up and jewelry, and nail polish, and cute clothes because i like how i feel, i like feeling pretty so i am going to run with it. this also segways into my new journey into weight loss as well. i know i'm nuts trying to lose weight during the holidays, but i truly think that as a temple of the Lord, i should be cognizant of what is going into my mouth and tummy, so as to honor God with everything, including my dietary choices and not to overindulge.
i realize that this entire situation is to grow me and shape me into what the Lord wants me to be. i get it, although i have to say i am not liking it. i guess i kinda thought after all of my health issues that i had when dave and i first got married, along with everything else that pregnancy would just be the thing that came easy for us. i have to think though and i truly believe that bad things happen to good people so that God's sovereignty shines through. i keep hearing people tell me "you are so strong, or your the strongest person i know." yeah thanks really but its not me. it is God and his strength alone that are keeping me upright and trucking through.
God is good, even when everything just plain sucks, and i recognize that even when all i am doing is dying inside He is continuing to live through me in all of this.
annie
