a chick in the Bible who had the right idea

Okay so as promised, I continue on my breakdown of Joshua. So Rahab, despite various disputes over how she actually fits into the NT, still is an excellent example of faith and perseverance despite who you are, where you are in life, and what you have done. Personally, I am not a biblical scholar, so I in my own belief system believe that Jesus is a decedent of her, proving that the choices we make while on this earth will fulfill the promises of God even if we will never ever see them this side of Heaven.

 She, being a woman of ill repute, still had the courage and faith to express how she knew what God's plan was. "I know that the Lord has given you the land, and that the fear of you has fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land melt away before you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan" (2:8-10). She went on to say, "...for the Lord your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath." (v. 11).

Okay, pause. So she has not only heard of Joshua and what God did for him and the Israelites, but also recognizes that not only does God have their back, but also everyone else's including herself. Following that, she risks her own life to help strangers escape. Because of her faith and courage, Joshua was able to then cross the Jordan much like the Red Sea with Moses.

Following all of this, amazing things, the placement of the 12 stones by the Jordan, new members added to the Israelites, the fall of Jericho, just to name a few, may not have happened (although I'm sure in all his sovereignty, whether Rahab was in it or not would have happened).

Furthermore, as some believe, she is the same Rahab that is referenced in the NT as part of Jesus' genealogy. She is proof, at least in my opinion of a "faith that moves mountains" kind of faith. Rivers parted, followers were added, a city fell, and she was instrumental in God's plan for the deliverance of all of us.

Her story is a great eye opener to me to show that first of all a woman, not in a great place in her life or making good decisions, still can have the ability to be faithful in any circumstance, even when it means you might risk your own life or desires as a result. He used her for a greater purpose she couldn't and would never see, therefore, how could I ever think he wouldn't do the same for me?

Lessons Learned from Joshua-Part 1

So I have this habit of jumping around different studies, this summer its really been a hopscotch of sorts around the Word of God. Earlier this summer I started the Beth Moore study, Mercy Triumphs, however I never actually went to the study either because I didn't want to go alone or I had other things that came up. Next I was on to Kay Arthur's Lord I Want to Know You, which was the in depth Hebrew based study on the names of the Lord. Currently I am half way through. Then it was her book on how to study the Bible that I have slowly been working through. Then I stumbled in the OT onto Joshua. Now I have read Genesis through Numbers. I love those books of scripture, most people cringe at the idea of reading the laws and covenants and all of that, I soaked it up and gained so much understanding as to what the atoning sacrifice of Jesus really meant by reading those books. Deuteronomy, on the other hand, I have been putting that one off for a while, it just seems so much more daunting to me. So alas, I figured I've never read Joshua, and you hear enough references to him about the wandering in the wilderness and how he led everyone after Moses died. It was a fascinating book (albeit except for the divisions of land at the end, had to reference a map to visually understand who the heck was getting what.)

After finishing it this morning, I thought it would be useful not only for me to process everything, but to share some tidbits learned from this book. I think its important to really try to understand the OT since without it the New Testament and the life of Christ would not make any sense. 

Now after reading Joshua I realized there are instances of followers in the Bible that actually did what God said to do and they were prosperous because of it. Joshua followed what the Lord said in every circumstance, and the Israelites benefited as a result. It was refreshing to see someone consistently obey and follow the Lord, it was good incentive to do the same since the fruit Joshua had gained was tangible and visible by the time he left the earth.

So essentially, Joshua took over for Moses after he died, and God made it very clear that they were on the same team, "Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you." 1: 5b.

Next, not as a suggestion, but a commandment he, as well as us, are told to "Be strong and courageous." This idea comes up multiple times in the book, three times in chapter 1 alone. so when things are repeated that usually means God means business about it being applicable to your life. I found this to be particularly helpful when life just plain sucks. 

In addition to this, we are to not be scared or dismayed, (v.9), because again God states we are NEVER alone. 

Next post I'll talk about Rahab, she was a rockstar if you ask me. Proof that God can and will use you in any and all circumstances if you let him regardless of who you are and what you have done. Also, that God's purposes will be used through you, even when you will never see them...

When life just happens...

Whoops, its been a while, months even! So in that time frame much has happened as usual. Since January, I graduated, finally, and have been enjoying some much needed time off to just recharge. In that time, I also have experienced some minor changes as well as some bigger things that I didn't necessarily see coming.


For example, this spring I took a new position with an old company I used to work for that now had me working from home. That was an adjustment. But I like the flexibility and the ability to do my job the way I want to do it without being chained to a cubicle all day long.

I also have really gotten into studying the Word more and what it has to say about well, everything. Earlier this summer I also got to see Kay Arthur at the HBC Women's Conference, that was amazing and life changing and I will never study or read my Bible the same way again. I highly recommend you try your hand at this book and its workbook, its heady, but very very good!

In the midst of all of this, there was nothing on the pregnancy front either, and I mean nothing for almost 7 months since everything went down before. I was starting to lose hope, wondering how I had gone essentially from "fertile Myrtle" to a barren wasteland in a matter of months. Essentially I was really starting to get how Sarah was feeling. However, earlier this month I found out I was pregnant again, however my HCG levels proved to not be doubling as expected and just as last summer, we experienced another early loss.

However, a midst all of this I realized some things about myself and my relationship with God that I hadn't realized before. I have realized that my blind faith that I tend to see as a strength most of the time, was causing me in this instance of loss was making me remove myself out of "faith" so that I didn't have to deal with the reality of really being sanctified. I took some great insight from this other wonderful blog here. In addition, these losses (yes we are now at three) have made me realize how much of a heart I really have for those who have unplanned pregnancies and how important it is for them to have someone to lean on. Also, the amount of knowledge I have gained about being content, I mean really being content in all circumstances has been a huge eye opener.

As the blog I cited earlier states, I always thought of motherhood as an entitlement, something I had "earned" by being a good person and a devout follower. I thought that since I had essentially followed the rules: marriage, abstaining until we were married, going/finishing an advanced degree, saving and spending appropriately, following Jesus, that meant that I should be a mother, that I had "earned" it in a way. This is SO not the case.

Just as in everything else people struggle with in the Christian walk, I have determined that this, regardless of if it is a season in my life or a cross I will bear for as long as I live, that motherhood is a blessing from God that is not guaranteed to everyone. Me being angry or hopeless, or as faithful as I have ever been will not mean that I will be able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. Only God, in all of this has the power to give and take away that. And despite the losses, and the lessons that are to be learned from each one, which hopefully someday in His presence I will learn the "why," I am just maintaining stillness, and realizing that this kind of faith, the kind that you have to have even when you think you are going to snap right in two because the bending of it hurts like something you've never experienced before in your life...that is the mark of authenticity, and that is when the glory of God and the mercy of Christ is revealed.

When You say come rest -should I be working so hard?

Yikes its been over a month, sorry! 
So currently here's the update--as of Monday I have 90 days until school is OVER, thank goodness. As far as the path to motherhood, that is an entirely different story. I'm currently grading papers right now (because I am acting as a teacher you see, so alas, I grade), taking a break to update. 

So my OB graciously allowed for me to have recurrent loss labs drawn due to the 2 miscarriages happening consecutively. Normally you have to wait 3, but she gave it to me at two. Thank God for that by the way, especially after I found out stuff is wrong, which probably would have lead to another loss and more grief, which let's face it, I still cry in the car or in church when a song touches my heart about the whole experience. To go through all of that again would be unbearable.

Now let me just say, that I went ahead with all of this testing, realizing that something, or many things could be wrong, but at least I would have answers. Its starting to make sense, but it still doesn't change the fact that I have lost two babies. 

So needless to say, the baby from a DNA standpoint was normal. Which was great because that means Dave and I do not need genetic counseling. However, I on the other hand, am currently being worked up for a blood clotting disorder that could restrict oxygen flow to fetal vessels, as well as a possible autoimmune condition in which my body is fighting fetal tissue as foreign. All of this will make more sense in the coming months. Basically, according to the blood doc, if I get pregnant again, I have to give my self blood thinning shots all nine months and beyond, and for all pregnancies. I also have to get my blood counts drawn often throughout just to make sure I'm not going to bleed out. Luckily, I do not have Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus, but my thyroid is still all messed up, so now I have to visit a Rheumatologist and an Endocrinologist in February. 

I have had more blood draws in the last six months than I think I have in my whole life. But, I wanted answers, now I have them. So, for now we are going to wait until the summer to think about going down the parenthood route, since its apparent that I have some stuff of my own to take care of. 

Now on to where God is in all of this. So I still cry, in fact both of us do. I cried yesterday on the way home from my parents house randomly and today in church. It still gets me, kids walking around, toddling, falling over, women with big bellies beaming with the miracle they have inside of them. My heart literally feels like someone is twisting it like a door knob every time, but I know that God has this. I have rested in that because even when I feel like a part of me has died, I know that He has never ever, nor will He ever leave me. 

Today in church was this sermon on Psalm 32, and of course I got my nugget of truth staring me in the face: 

You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance.--Psalm 32:7. 

He is and was my hiding place, I escape to His sovereignty for my hope and strength. He preserved me and still does. It is amazing the conversations I have had with others about what I have gone through and still manage to keep it together, its almost like I give others strength in my weakness. He surrounds me with shouts of deliverance. I know that He is and will continue to deliver Dave and I from this in His time. 

Another thing I need to mention. I found out what it was. It was a girl. I wanted and still want a girl. Dave was right, I was convinced it was a boy. Dave and I went to the cemetery that the hospital buried her at, it was beautiful and provided some closure. I named her even after a great woman of the early church, Lydia. I can picture in my mind what her and the other baby look like. I know I will see them again some day, and that they are with the Lord, having never experienced pain. She has never cried, been without, always been warm, has never had her heart broken, and remained innocent and pure. I know both of them are happy and healthy and as Dave put it, neither one of them were ever alone, and they never will be. 

annie